My late father did his PhD in Swansea, a small city in Wales. Back then (this was in the early 80s), he was one of two or three black people in the University – if not in the entire city – and so everyone knew him by name. Now, even though this was the 80s, and racism was quite common in most parts of Britain, Swansea was a relatively friendly metropolis, and my young dad hardly had any trouble from bigots or racists… but he did tell us about this one incident.
One day, my young Dad was in one of the many canteens peppered across the University campus, sitting alone at a table, enjoying some fried chicken from a fast food joint called Wimpy Bar. Across from him were a group of white students eating ice cream. They stared at him in shock and disgust as he munched and crunched contentedly on the chicken bones like a diligent Fante man. After staring rudely for several minutes, one of them decided to say something.
“Oi, Kobina,” the most obnoxious lout in the group shouted across the canteen, drawing everyone’s attention. “You’re really loving those bones, aren’t you?”.
My dad nodded while sucking the marrow out of a particularly juicy thigh bone. Our ice cream-eating bully still had more to say though.
“So Kobina,” he persisted, his voice getting even louder. “In Africa, if you people eat bones, what do the dogs eat?”
Pockets of sniggers and giggles broke out across the canteen, as everyone turned to see just how embarrassed the quiet black foreign student would be.
My father polished off the last of his juicy bone, wiped his lips with a flourish, turned his gaze onto the abrasive bully, and in a clear, loud voice, thick with the Gomoa accent of his ancestors, remarked with a smile, “they eat ice cream”.
Needless to say, that was the last time anyone in Swansea ever commented on Kobina’s table etiquette.
I remember the first time my father told me that story. It struck me that those ice-cream-eating Welsh kids were shocked by something they had never seen before – a practice that was foreign to them – but instead of seeking to learn about it, their reaction was disrespectful and cruel. Some people are like that. They think the limited knowledge they hold in their own heads is actually the totality of global wisdom, and so anything unknown to them is just stupid. How conceited a person must be to go through life with such an attitude.
But, before we judge them too harshly, perhaps we should take a look in the mirror, because, in all fairness, most of us have acted the same way at one time or the other. Have you never waded into a social media argument and immediately questioned the sanity of someone you don’t even know, just because they hold views that oppose yours? Have you never looked at someone’s husband, wife or partner, and wondered what could have possessed them to make such a choice? Have you never been bewildered by the views, opinions, decisions and actions of people you do not know in situations you have never faced? That is fundamentally no different from what that ill-mannered chav did to my Dad in Swansea that day.
Even the most conscientious of us can sometimes treat others with disrespect when their choices do not match ours. It’s ok, none of us is perfect. But now that we are conscious of it, we can do something to correct it.
I’m sure you’ve heard it said that respect is earned. I understand why society pushes that message. The idea is to promote meritocracy. Nothing wrong with that. Respect may be earned, but dignity is a fundamental human right. And that means even if someone is yet to earn your respect, they most certainly do not deserve your disrespect in the interim.
Let us try to stay alert to the fact that we don’t yet know everything. Our way may not be the only way. The world is large enough for us all to arrive at the same answers without necessarily employing the same methods. Just because we don’t understand someone else’s choices does not automatically make them inferior to us. By that logic, we must also be inferior to them, because they clearly don’t get our way of doing things. We don’t have to agree on everything, but we must at least agree to respect our differences.
Here on the Super Morning Show, we would like to declare 2024 The Year of Respect. In this spirit, we promise to always bring you more than one perspective on any given issue. We will not only give vent to the most popular opinion. Our platform will also be available to those with the minority report, the dissenting view, the radical thought, the unconventional approach. We will make sure that by the time you make up your mind on any matter, you have had the benefit of more than one perspective. And most importantly, we will do it with respect.
Let the one lesson we learn in 2024 be that, the obvious way is not the only way.
I’ll leave you with one of my favourite Chinese fables.
A young woman went to visit her late mother’s grave. As she lay fresh flowers on the tombstone, she happened to glance to her left and saw a funnily dressed young man dishing up a steaming hot bowl of rice and beef sauce from a pot. She watched in amazement as the man placed the bowl reverently in front of the tombstone next to their mother’s and declared “here you go, Mum. Enjoy”.
The woman couldn’t help laughing out loud, which made the odd-looking man turn in her direction. After they exchanged a long, awkward glance, she finally spluttered “You know your dead mother is not going to wake up to eat that rice, don’t you?”
“Oh yes, she is,” the man rejoined. “Just as soon as your dead mum wakes up to smell those flowers”.
My name is Kojo Yankson, and the one thing I know for a fact is that I don’t know everything.
Good Morning, GHANAFO!
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