I am a 30-year-old woman who has been dating a lovely man for three months. He’s smart, funny, cute, and kind.
I’ve felt so lucky to have found him. Here’s the problem: We recently became intimate for the first time, and he is, unfortunately, very poorly endowed—so small that I did some Google searching and think he might have a micropenis.
I believe that sex is crucial to a relationship, and the thought of having a (potentially lifelong) relationship without an active sex life scares me.
When you can’t feel anything during the act, that’s a problem. I know that there are other options in the bedroom, but I get pleasure by doing it the old-fashioned way.
I feel awful about this—it’s obviously something that he can’t help, and it slays me that the universe would be so unjust to such a wonderful person. I’m conflicted.
I see a potential future with him in every other way, but how do I deal with this? Do women who marry very poorly endowed men end up regretting it? If I let him go, what should I tell him that won’t absolutely crush him?
—A Little Problem
Dear Little,
Your wonderful guy was cruelly shafted, and it’s sad to think that a relationship that seemed to have everything may be doomed because of a teeny-weeny problem.
I once published a letter from a woman whose boyfriend had also gotten the short end of the stick—although perhaps not quite so drastically as yours—and in response I heard from several women who said they were initially very disappointed by their beloved’s under-endowment and wondered whether it was a relationship killer.
But they liked the guy so much that they stuck with it and said they eventually “adjusted” and came to find their sex lives fulfilling.
The only way you can find out whether this can be true for you is to try again—but if the thought fills you with dread and despair, you pretty much have your answer as to whether you can continue this relationship. If you do give your intimacy another go, despite your love of “the old-fashioned way,” this would be a good time to expand your repertoire.
However, if each encounter leaves you feeling a void, then your frustration will ultimately kill the good parts of your relationship.
If you let him go, you will be telling him the truth if you say he’s one of the finest men you’ve ever known, but you two just don’t have any chemistry in bed.
And if that happens, I have a somewhat hopeful note for your man. I, too, Googled micropenis, and I had a shock of recognition when I saw the first image.
There was a gentleman just like that at the nudist resort I recently wrote about. Every time I saw him, he was holding hands with his wife, who seemed blissfully happy to be with her little big man.
— Prudie
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