A mouse that relies on entering ‘other holes’ instead of digging and remaining in its own holes will one day, one day, encounter a snake. Sin fascinates and assassinates! Be smarter than your body; you have control over your body than you think.
I was at an Easter convention recently and buoy; the programme was awesome because I sang a song with my horrible voice and people fainted! Why is it that we always want to force people to say something nice about us han? Does that not explain the reason we are mostly not told the truth because we want to hear what is nice? There was an Obroni at the convention too. As the MC, I ‘forced’ this white-man to say what he liked about Ghana.
Guess his response after hesitating for a while because he didn’t really know what to say: ‘Ghana is a beautiful country. I like your trees; they are standing’. Seriously, this did not annoy me more than the fact that there was a spontaneous applause that followed his response and how I f**lishly climaxed it with ‘Halleluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’ and everybody screamed: ‘Aaaaaamen! Ei! Are trees not supposed to be standing? We have a problem oo. Hmmm!
Ablavi wants to finish me. First she wanted me to buy her a 32-inch TV. TV or television set? She said both. At least ask for a mobile phone er…a cheap one sef. But TV? In this generation where all that people cherish most as gifts are mobile phones and you are asking for TV? Can I even afford a TV set for a relationship that ended 18 years ago? Anyway, her investment has matured; she wants to come and collect. Ei! Promiscuity and its attendant problems. Sometimes the resultant consequences don’t come immediately but, trust me, they would come once it is sinful! I told her the financial problems me myself I was going through but she would not take any of that because she believed I was not telling her the truth.
Then later, she said she believed my problem was spiritual and so gave me the contact number of a very ‘powerful prophet’ and wanted to know if I could reinforce it with the contact of another powerful jujuman. Eish! Men, we are suffering o! If only we knew where some of ‘these ones’ take us to and we are still alive er, we would know that God loves us and is more powerful than many who claim they are powerful on earth. In spite of our sinful ways, God still protects us but trust me, one day one day, you would see wisdom in my song that ‘sin fascinates and assassinates’!
Is it not surprising that it is only in the church that first names become surnames especially in the ‘small scale churches? Even some of the big ones sef! Pastor Dan, Pastor Kris, Pastor Ben, Pastor Kofi, Pastor Toffee, Pastor Mawuli. Ei, years back my landlord used to call me Pastor Mawuli oo. I have just been laughing in my head anytime he did. When my Ablavi visited me, I would lock the door and the two of us would be in the room and I will be playing Beenie Man’s 1999 hit Gospel song ‘Move to the right in the name of Jesus, move to the left in the name of the Lord’ and this I set on ‘Replay, Replay, Replay’ mode. By this deception, my landlord thought I was extremely pious hence my love for Gospel music. He didn’t know what I was moving from and into what. God, I believe you have forgiven me because I didn’t know what I was doing. Now I know but still….hmmm!
I met this other curved and plump one last Saturday at a funeral. Pretty young lady about 29 years. Through interactions, I got to know she had lost her fiancé in a motor accident not long ago. According to her, the guy was overtaking an articulator truck and went to embrace a fuel tanker! Oh sad! I sympathized with her but bad thoughts came to mind as hard as I tried.
She mentioned the fact that she is currently living in a rented apartment sponsored by the late fiancé and the rent is due for renewal in June 2025 for another 2 years at GHC1,200 per month. This is where I often lose interest instantly and the fifth limb in-between my thighs starts shrinking. I immediately blocked her on wassap and voice calls.
Two days ago, she managed to use a different line to call me. I responded nicely but she complained about my line not going through and ‘they say’ bad network! Period!
She wanted to see me after work; well, I agreed! On my way to her residence upon her direction, I called to find out what she would like as gift from me. Her answer dazed me – padlock. All she wanted was a padlock. Padlock??? I made a U-turn and my clutch got burnt! I am still finding it difficult to come to terms with what she wanted a padlock for. I offered to send her momo so she could buy it herself. Strangely, she said NO, I should buy it and bring it to her myself. The thick black one with 4 keys!
Do I need to ask her what she needed the padlock for? Men! Men!! Men!!! Hmmm! As for me, as soon as they tell me ‘Hmmm, I don’t even know how I am going to solve this problem’, I don’t ask ‘what problem’? Hahaaaa! My brother, make no mistake; just pretend you didn’t hear what she said, fake a phone call and run away. Awaayyyyyy!
Do you remember that interesting character of a girl who chopped my money at Community 150 for 4 months without me ‘eating anything’? The day we agreed to ‘eat’, she said ‘Kotorkor was playing and so no show. Whaat! Even if it’s Liverpool playing today, we have to use the stadium. What do you mean? For four months, I put you on my payroll and give you GHC300 every month totaling GHC1,200 for 4 months without withholding tax and you think it is small money?
We would ‘play’ even if the grass is green. Haaa! This same girl is the girl who ate my Chinese restaurant fried rice before while I ate kenkey and pepper. Anytime she asked why I wasn’t eating fried rice, my excuse was that I wanted to avoid cholesterol. It was a lie. That’s how poverty responds immediately to some of those unnecessary questions!
F**lishly enough, after eating she left the rice pack in my car before I drove home. My wife ‘accidentally’ saw it the following day! She asked me what a used pack with chicken bones was doing in my car seat under and I explained I was practising how to keep the city clean as a patriotic citizen hence collecting used food packs has become my hobby. She believed me. Awwww! She is very understanding and even asked me why we are no longer doing communal labour. Communal labour used to be fun those days at Kisseman. Work and happiness. But for some decades now we have stopped; we are now doing the reverse-communal labour where we willingly dump rubbish to choke our gutters! What has changed koraaa han? The highly educated are doing it; the classroom-less ones are also doing it. Almost all of us are guilty! We urinate anywhere! Ei! Any hope? Hmmm!
Some ‘Babis’ these days, the things some of them are doing are discouraging me from my immoral ways. Or I should stop in 2025 and resume in 2026? One whole year of no eyi; How? Anyway, sometimes you learn from losing so I lost that community 150 girl to a rich man! This ‘thing’ is costing me money, stress, pain and unnecessary troubles but I don’t know what to do again la. I feel like crying only to remember I caused it myself! Flee, my brother, as indeed sin fascinates and assassinates! Nothing dey inside; temporary enjoyment in van with long term consequences.
Have a nice weekend and remember, the best way to live is to make certain things ‘useless’! Not everything must be taken too seriously no matter what and it shall be well with you – life happens!
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