The Korle Klottey MP, Dr Zanetor Agyeman-Rawlings, says many people focus more on preparing for marriage than on the reality of being married.
She made the point on the latest edition of JoyNews’ Talk No Dey Cook Rice podcast.
“I get the impression that sometimes when people are thinking about marriage, it’s the preparation towards it more than the actual journey of being married that people seem to focus on. So there’s the what do they call the ‘Save the Date’ pre-wedding pictures thing.”
She said the investment often goes into the appearance of things, for society and for the family. In that process, people forget the real work of living together.
“You can grow up in the same house with siblings from the same parents, and still have issues in terms of communication. You do things differently. How do you manage that when you’ve decided you’re going to share a roof with a person, start a family with a person?
“People automatically think that when you get married, everything is automatically okay, a lovely fairy tale, but I don’t think it always happens like that.”
Dr Agyeman-Rawlings urged people to show honesty from the start.
“It’s good to put your best foot forward, but it’s also good for you to be a bit honest about who you are, so that the person isn’t surprised when, in three months, they are wondering, where did this character trait come from? And that’s not to say don’t improve upon yourself.”
She described marriage as constant work.
“Marriage is given the label as it is, as a sacred institution that is meant to be the basis on which a family is started, okay, but if you think about it as any kind of relationship, a business partnership, a friendship, a contract.
“You can’t just leave it and expect that it will fix itself. It’s constant work, because there may be a way you say things that the person doesn’t understand, and when you say it, the person doesn’t hear what you think you’re saying.
“You must even learn how to speak each other’s language. I don’t mean your dialect. I mean, how can I say something to you for you to understand it exactly as I am saying it, and vice versa.”
She added that money and household responsibilities must also be agreed upon.
“If it comes to the issue of the money in the house, who provides the money for what, who does which chores, and so on, there has to be some kind of platform of common values to start with. At least there’s something to go back to, especially when the going gets tough.”
Dr Agyeman-Rawlings stressed that no matter the effort, marriage is never guaranteed. “Even with the best of intentions, a marriage can just not work. It’s a risk. It’s a risk. You hope for the best, but you just never know.”
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