The Korle Klottey MP, Dr Zanetor Agyeman-Rawlings, has urged couples to be realistic about marriage, warning that it does not magically solve problems but requires constant effort.
Speaking on the latest edition of JoyNews’ podcast Talk No Dey Cook Rice, she stressed that many people focus on appearances and societal approval rather than the real journey of building a life together.
“I get the impression that sometimes when people are thinking about marriage, it’s the preparation towards it more than the actual journey of being married that people seem to focus on.
“So there’s the what do they call the ‘Save the Date’ pre-wedding pictures thing,” she observed.
According to her, the energy people put into external displays often overshadows the real work of managing relationships at home.
“So you have all this investment into the external appearance of things, for what the people will say, and pleasing the family and society and everything, forgetting or maybe not recognising the fact that even when you grew up in the same house with siblings who are both from the same parents, you can still have issues in terms of how you manage your communication,” she said.
Dr Agyeman-Rawlings explained that living under the same roof with a partner requires adjustment and honesty.
“You do things differently. How do you manage that when you’ve decided that you’re going to share a roof with a person, you’re going to start a family with a person, and it seems people automatically think that when you get married, everything is automatically okay, it’s a lovely fairy tale, but I don’t think it always happens like that,” she noted.
She urged honesty at the start of marriage so that couples are not taken by surprise when hidden traits surface.
“It’s good to put your best foot forward, but it’s also good for you to be a bit honest about who you are, so that the person isn’t surprised when, in three months, they are wondering, Where did this character trait come from?
“And that’s not to say don’t improve upon yourself, but like any other, I think marriage is given the label as it is, as a sacred institution that is meant to be the basis on which a family is started.”
Comparing marriage to other forms of partnership, she emphasised that it demands effort.
“If you think about it as any kind of relationship, a business partnership, a friendship, a contract. Altogether. You can’t just leave it and expect that it will fix itself. It’s constant work, because there may be a way you say things that the person doesn’t understand, and when you say it, the person doesn’t hear what you’re saying or what you think you’re saying.
“So you must even learn how to speak each other’s language. I don’t mean your dialect. I’m speaking in terms of how I can say something to you for you to understand it’s exactly as I am saying it and vice versa,” she explained.
On household issues, she pointed out that clarity of roles and shared values were key.
“If it comes to the issue of how the money issue in the house is handled, who provides the money for what, who does which chores, and so on.
“There has to be some kind of a platform of common values to start with, so that at least there’s something to go back to, especially when the going gets tough.”
But she also admitted that even with good intentions, some marriages still fail.
“Even with the best of intentions, a marriage can just not work. It’s a risk. It’s you hoping for the best, but you just never know,” she said.
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