Marriage is universal and exists in every human society across the world. Its primary purposes include companionship, support, sex, parenting, and spiritual development.
However, people also marry for many other reasons, such as personal gain, money, power, personality, or lifestyle.
Three years ago, a lady in a troubled marriage confessed that she married her husband simply because he dressed well.
Benefits of marriage
Married people are emotionally and physically healthier than singles. They tend to have stronger immune systems and lower rates of cancer, stroke, and heart disease. They also experience lower rates of psychiatric disorders and report higher levels of happiness.
The married are generally more productive, wealthier and live longer than singles. In Ghana, marriage is a strong social symbol, and adults who do not marry often receive little social respect.
In fact, ‘sugyani’, an Akan word for bachelor, literally means “one who fetches firewood to cook.” Traditionally, cooking is reserved for women, so men who cook are perceived as irresponsible. Marriage, therefore, carries significant cultural value, and Ghanaian adults are socially expected to marry.
Benefits of the church
According to Gyekye (2003), religious awareness of the existence of a supreme being permeates all aspects of African life, determining practically every facet of existence.
Similarly, Mbiti (1969) notes that the African is “notoriously religious,” with life deeply intertwined with religion and unseen powers that guide relationships and behaviour.
The church is essential for holistic development. It provides opportunities to pray, study the Word of God, grow in community, and live a godly life. The Bible commands Christians not to neglect fellowship (Hebrews 10:25).
It is also widely acknowledged that women tend to be more religious than men. Boakye (2011) explains that women often draw more deeply from the mysteries of God, perceive His closeness more vividly, and enter into more intimate relationships with Him.
Men, on the other hand, tend to be more logical and practical. As a result, women generally attend church more regularly, pray more, and express stronger faith.
Conversely, Boakye (2011) notes that men are more likely to occupy leadership positions in the church because they often derive emotional fulfilment from leading and directing, which partly explains why most heads of churches are men.
The challenge
Many Christians struggle to strike a balance between marriage and church. Some men of God become so absorbed in church activities—office work, meetings, long crusades, and evangelism—that they neglect their families.
Their wives are left lonely, and their children are often unsupervised, leading to behavioural problems such as substance abuse, stealing and sexual promiscuity. In some cases, pastors’ wives engage in illicit affairs due to prolonged emotional neglect.
Similarly, some women spend excessive time in church attending all-night services, anointing sessions, deliverance programmes and society meetings, leaving their husbands lonely and frustrated.
Some fall victim to manipulation by false pastors. Due to their spiritual vulnerability, some women obey pastors unquestioningly—participating in so-called “holy baths” or giving away large portions of their business capital as “seeds of faith.”
There have been cases where pastors claimed their anointing resided in their bodily fluids, and women—including highly educated ones—queued for it.
Many women misuse the time meant for their marriages in church activities, thereby creating marital problems. Instead of confronting the reality of domestic neglect, they spiritualise every marital issue, attributing it to evil spirits.
Consequently, they spend more time praying in church about their marriages. Ironically, the more time they spend in church, the worse their marital problems become—and the cycle continues.
Drawing a balance
Both marriage and the church are important. Christians should not choose one over the other but must learn to balance the two. First, marriage should be understood as a vocation—a calling to serve God through service to one’s spouse.
Marriage itself is worship and represents the primary church. St. Augustine, therefore, described the family as a “little church.”
Your marriage is more important than church activities because it provides a practical and daily opportunity to serve God through love, care, and responsibility toward your spouse.
Marriage should come first, after which space can be created for church, work, and other social commitments. As Scripture teaches, “Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and to God what belongs to God.”
Never sacrifice family time for church activities. God will not honour prayers offered at the expense of marital responsibilities.
However, when a healthy balance is maintained, marriage and church will complement each other, allowing believers to enjoy the full benefits of both.
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