Did you know that if you continue to over indulge in the consumption of goat meat, a time will come when you would be compelled by your health to eat what the goat eats? This is not food but food for thought but don’t think about it. Too many health problems at a certain age and often irreversible. Eat well and stay healthy. Some of us failed to heed to this advice and come and see what is happening – unnecessary potbellies with its accompanying complications! Dey play.
Mami Ama, when your husband who used to stay out late and hardly stays at home now comes home early and hardly goes out on weekend, don’t be too excited though you have won. He has become a good boy because the energy level for outside bad ‘food’ has gone down. This occurs especially if the man has crossed 50! He wouldn’t want to disgrace himself outside so he suddenly becomes a good boy and even helps you wash the dishes. Men are good boys ooo, hahaaaa…it’s a lie o na disability be that. I think insurers should start selling these products – sexual weakness in men as a disability policy.
Happy International Men’s Day! It happened just this week but how many people knew about it? Until Elaine called me last Wednesday to wish me, I didn’t even know about it. Elaine, God bless you, onu. You are a Sister of a kind! Men, don’t worry; we are men and supposed to be quiet even when we are suffering. Is the boy child under-protected? This may just be a rhetorical question. Let’s keep quiet and suffer! We are the mehn…hahahaaaa!
When I was a child, any private car driver who passes without offering me lift, I described as ‘wicked man’. Now I understand why. Indeed, who no grow, go grow! There is so much risk in offering lifts to strangers but there is one dangerous risk that I exposed myself to last Monday. I was driving outside Accra. On my way, I came across this guy who I asked for directions to where I was going. Me too, I don’t know how to use google map o. I think it is about time I learnt how to use it because of that horrible experience.
The ‘hospitable’ guy decided to sit in my car and lead me there because the place happened to be the same place he was also going. I reluctantly obliged knowing the risks that can come with such dangerous favours. What if something happens to him say heart attack and the worst happens? How do I explain this to the police? Anyway, this is the mind of a typical insurance person – we see the good but are also conscious of the ‘what if?’.
On the way, he spoke nicely but scantily. In my air-conditioned car, once in a while, some bad odour would waft across my nose. I was wondering where it was coming from. Then I gave it time. After a while I started suspecting something. Is this stench likely coming from this strange helper? I questioned myself quietly. After about two kilometers into the journey, I had concluded that this nice gentleman had probably eaten gari and beans the previous night with perhaps fried eggs. The smell was overbearing but I mustered courage to continue on the journey with him.
He turned his TicToc on and started watching. Then apparently there was an interesting skit where the famous ‘Cynthia Offori, go home…go go go’ was in the background. Spontaneously, he laughed again and the sound couldn’t hide itself anymore – tuin! He was wearing a thick jeans trorza so it soaked the decibels of the sound a bit but the basic sound managed to escaped loud enough to my hearing. It was then I mustered courage and asked him to get down from my car since I think I could now find my way to the place. He pleaded to continue to the next junction. Well, how for do. I managed to drop him off at the nearest junction. It was upon his exit that, I knew peace. Whaaat! No no no! Never again!
Husbands (natural men) and wives (natural women) who copy the style of dogs in ‘that state’ should know that, very soon, they would start paying royalties. The dogs in my house have started backing loudly last night. It is often a signal that they would come after us soon especially those who keep stealing their intellectual property. Almost everybody seems to like the way dogs do the distin. I don’t know why la.
After age 50, men can’t even copy the dog anymore because of the fear of getting a stroke! Maybe indeed we owe them royalties. Every husband and wife enjoys copying their style especially if they are not in good terms and don’t want to look into each other’s face. My parents didn’t teach me this o, but by God’s grace, I am now a professional. Dogs showed the way! That is why when they vex, they can bite us ‘by hat’, we must respect them!
Marriage without provocation from one’s spouse should never be described as marriage o! When we are not on good terms and she is sleeping, I would just go and open the trap door wide enough for it to bang hard – gbaaan! It scares her and gets her woken up from her sleep in anger but she won’t complain because we are not on talking terms!
But at least for her major role of changing baby diapers let us value our wives. Just because of what I have just said, I won’t bang the bang the door again. Our wives go through a lot but they won’t share with you.
She didn’t use to like much of bedroom things but of late she wants more of it unlike before. Now that I am aging and becoming weaker, her energy has come. One of my friends shared something with us some time back about how she was not on talking terms with her husband and confessed how she wanted ‘the thing’ at some point and could perceive her husband also wanted it but because of ego, she was praying for the husband to make the first move. Another person reacted by saying contrary to general natural perceptions, many women in contemporary times have stronger egos than their male counterparts. True? She explained that it is the reason men are the first to apologise to their wives whenever their wives offend them! See? It is all because men want peace to prevail at home, and PEACE starts from the man. Why not? You have to apologise for being offended o. Dey play!
That reminds me. Why is it so difficult for men to remove diapers from their baby children but find it very easy to remove ‘bikinis’ from fully grown adult single ladies? I just asked a simple question o! To be frank, for the men, removing diapers from babies who have started eating fufu, meat, eggs, milk and mormorni soup with banku can be as hard as pursuing a PhD dissertation. Our women do well o. Handling that with so much ease? Ei!
Have a nice weekend and remember not to take offence because the ‘assailant’ firing the gun is also feeling the heat that is coming from the hot gun as a result of his shots. Only teachers who have caned students before can relate more. After caning a student, they also get home to apply hot water to their own arms and apply abomiki balm.
That is why I love Cynthia Offori but she must go home…..go go go…go home. We have closed! Hahaaaaaa!
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