Some people say they “just knew” they were dating their future spouse, but what about the rest of us?
What happens when you’re not sure if he’s “the one”?
If you’re considering long-term commitment or marriage, it’s time to ask yourself the tough questions to figure out how true your love is.
Here are 10 unmistakable signs that your guy is not it:
1. You have a list of things he needs to stop doing, saying or wearing
If you’re fixating on his flaws, he’s either not the one you want or you are not ready for a serious relationship. Cutting him loose allows you time to grow and gives you the opportunity to meet a guy whose flaws you can embrace, or at least accept.
2. You don’t trust him
A small dose of jealousy can be healthy, but if you’re hacking into his email account and popping Xanax when he hits up happy hour without you, something is wrong. If there’s something about him that truly warrants your distrust, then perhaps he’s not the right one for you.
3. You avoid conflict at all costs
Fighting is healthy, and when done right (in a non-accusatory, rational way), it is a great way to air grievances, fix problems in your relationship, and come to a deeper understanding of each other. Ignoring problems is not the same as having no problems at all, even if it looks that way.
4. You never turn to him for comfort to improve your mood
When you’re a giant ball of tears and snot, do you lock yourself in the bathroom so he can’t see you at your worst? If you’re worried about scaring him away, one of you isn’t ready for commitment. Mr. Right should make you smile through your tears, and be a calming, not stressful, presence.
5. One of you is struggling with an addiction
He’s sweet, he’s exciting, and he loves you very much … but he loves his alcohol habit or his weekly gambling fix more. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can change him or that your relationship will be strong enough to withstand the heartache that addiction will inevitably bring. An addict may be able to change, but he’ll do so on his own terms.
6. You can’t really imagine him as the father of your children
Ask yourself: Would he make a great parent? Is he financially responsible? Would he be an equal partner in your future together? If you have doubts, you probably aren’t meant to be.
7. Your nonnegotiable goals in life are incompatible
You want kids; he doesn’t. You go to church every week; he’s an atheist. He lives in the country and doesn’t want to move; you can’t imagine ever leaving the city. You can overcome superficial differences, but differences in basic values are harder to smooth over. Ask yourself: Would I be willing to compromise on this? If the answer is absolutely not, move on.
8. You don’t respect each other
He puts you down in front of your friends and complains about you to his parents. You roll your eyes when he talks because there’s just something about him that embarrasses you. A relationship without respect can’t sustain itself.
9. You’re not attracted to him
Intimacy is a hugely important component of a romantic relationship. If he doesn’t do it for you, he’s not your best long-term match.
10. On paper he seems great, but you have this strange gut feeling
Don’t ignore your gut. You may get along on a superficial level, but if your instincts are telling you he’s not the one for you, listen. That little voice inside your head does not lie.
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