Photo credit – CandidBelle
Being the Wife Your Husband Needs
Take a Supporting Role
I often get into a pattern where I feel things should be all about me. Yep, it is true. Activities we do as a family should fit my style, my interest, and my “fun” meter.
But you know what I’ve learned? Things go much better when I don’t have to be the center.
This one is hard for me. I can begin justifying my needs above others in very concrete terms, but the bottomline is I need to allow my husband to call the shots a good part of the time and go along with HIS plans too.
What things interest your husband? Do you actively share in some of those interests? Do you support those interests?
My husband “was” a duck hunter before we got married. Once we started dating and then married, he had fallen out of this hobby (is it called a hobby?). But in the past few months he has found a friend who hunts and they’ve begun going duck hunting together. This is certainly not my cup of tea and I can get very territorial over my husband’s time when he is home, as he travels typically 3-4 days per week. I mean when he is home, I need him around. I’ve just survived 3-4 days on my own as a single mom, so I deserve a break, RIGHT?
But when I sacrifice my time with him, so he may go and enjoy a day hunting, I am blessing him. Now, I can say I use to do this and then give the guilt treatment maybe for the whole next day. Playing the martyr. But ladies, that is so backwards and I was not truly blessing him or anyone else! I actually was making things worse.
So what can you do to bless him with time to do an activity he enjoys or perhaps take a big interest in something that he enjoys doing?
Our husbands still have a need to be loved in tangible ways . With everyone else in the family demanding my time, I can get so busy I forget to take the time to love on him extra. This does not mean more kisses and hugs, although my hubby does like that stuff, but what about cooking his favorite dinner or making his favorite dessert to surprise him when he arrives home?
You know my husband travels, so when he arrives home after being gone for three days I really want his arrival to be special. It is a great time for everyone in our house, welcoming him back home. My hubby loves pie – I mean really loves pie – me, not so much! But I can bake other things very easily. When he walks in the door and smells brownies baking or an apple crisp in the oven, it is telling him through his nose, “I love you and I missed you and couldn’t wait for you to come home.”
What other ideas do you have to pamper your husband? Bring him his first cup of coffee in bed? Or a cup of tea after dinner while you sit on the sofa for 5 minutes? You know your husband best. What do you think would pamper him and make him feel special?
One of the best things we’ve done in our marriage is to study a book together at the same time. We’ve done: ScreamFree Parenting , Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs , The Five Love Languages , and are now currently doing, How We Love .
Making intentional time to learn more about who we each are and how we work and fit together has made our married life much more enjoyable. I would venture to say a bit easier too because our hearts are closer and we’ve learned so much about the other person that compassion is more evident in our daily life with each other.
We decide on a book and then break it down into sections to read, set times up that we both will sit and discuss what we’ve read, and the most important part – put those set times to discuss on the calendar! We sometimes use it as date time, but other times we sit and chat during nap time or after the kids are in bed. I will say this current book that we are discussing, How We Love , is amazing. My Bible study group chose this book for study this year and most of us have gotten our husbands involved in some level and we are all seeing growth and understanding in areas we would never have had otherwise.
This is a biggie. I learned a lot when I read Love and Respect and understood how men need to be respected to feel love and how this respect affects everything within a marriage. There are many parts to respecting your husband, but a few that have done wonders for me are:
- Prayer – Praying for my husband daily and allowing God to answer those requests. When I share with my husband that I prayed for _____ today for him he is touched. Especially when he is traveling, I need to take the time to pray for his protection and wisdom.
- Appreciation – Tell your husband what you appreciate about him, even the little things. Why not share with others what you so appreciate about your husband too? Everyone loves hearing some good things instead of the bad!
- Don’t Criticize – This is a biggie. It goes along with the above appreciation. The opposite of appreciation is to criticize. Even worse is when we criticize our husband in front of our children or question his decision making in a way that shows disagreement. Save these for private discussions between the two of you.
Another area that we can easily get caught up in is complaining with our girlfriends about our husband. This produces nothing but more hard and harsh feelings and can taint the relationship that others may have with your husband, which is a negative. Be aware of how you speak of your husband both inside and outside your home.