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1. You Justify
If it seems like you have to convince yourself and others that you’re happy, or you even have to look for reasons you’re with this person, I’d say that’s one of the first red flags you’re in a sinking ship of settling. You shouldn’t have to explain to others, or yourself, why you’re dating someone.
We’re not writing a list of pros and cons here at a middle school slumber party. As pointed out on eHarmony, making excuses for a partner or anything questionably negative in the relationship is a definite sign you’re in something you probably shouldn’t be in. And things like “yeah, but he’s so great with kids” or “she has such and such degree” or “they’re amazing and I’d be crazy not to be with them” shouldn’t be the sole basis of being in that relationship.
2. The Little Things Bother You… Too Much
It’s OK to get a little irked by people’s quirks and bad habits, especially when you’ve gotten to know someone well and you’ve become comfortable with each other and those walls have come down. That’s great. But when it gets to a point of resentment, over some of the smallest things, that’s another glaring sign you probably shouldn’t be with this person. Relationship expert Andrew G. Marshall told the Daily Mail that most of us assume the big issues are what drive a couple apart, when sometimes it really is those minor irritations that add up. Because if the fact that they don’t squeeze the toothpaste tube correctly after using it is something that ruins your day and makes your skin crawl, you may be projecting a bigger issue at hand.
3. You’re Constantly Comparing
You always seem to size up your relationship against other couples, and usually, it’s not a very healthy comparison. Maybe you just can’t help but notice how much happier others seem together, you’re envious of all the cool things they’re doing together, or they’re just so compatible. If you were with someone you truly wanted to be with and cared about, these things wouldn’t matter. Or at least, you wouldn’t be noticing them on such a grand scale. It would be more of an observation rather than a comparison. According to Psychology Today, frequently comparing your partner unfavorably to other people , especially friends’ partners or spouses, is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship.
No relationship is perfect, and of course it’s normal to steal a glance at Beyonce and Jay Z and question what you’re even doing with your life. But tune in to when these sideways glances are actually just a search for a way out.
4. You Find Yourself Saying “Well At Least It’s Not…”
As pointed out on Her Campus, if you find that you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t have it that bad , then you probably don’t have it that great, either. Relationships are tricky, there’s no denying that. But why would you need to think of situations in which you’d be worse off if you were already happy?
5. You Keep Thinking Your Partner Will Change
If you’re viewing any stage of your relationship as a temporary thing that “should get better eventually,” there’s another indicator that you’ve settled yourself into some unhappiness. Because overall, you should like your partner just the way they are right now. Fast forwarding to some future, “better” version of who you want them to be doesn’t exactly sound like a genuine, or healthy thing for that matter. According to YourTango expert Renee Jain, the problem with dating someone because of their potential is that you’re not getting to know who they really are. Jain and fellow YourTango experts stressed the fact that while it’s normal for people in a relationship to grow, they have to do it on their own.